50 Funny Text Message Ideas

I'm not a huge fan of text messaging, but I do like getting the occasional funny message in my inbox. If you like to be the person sending said funny message, some of the ideas below may inspire your next round of texting terror. Here are 50 of my favorite text messages of all times – guaranteed to make you laugh.

1. A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says: I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.
2. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school clothes.
3. Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.
4. Any woman that thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.
5. As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing
6. As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes get longer.
7. Ask not what your country can do for you, but how much it's going to cost for them to do it.
8. Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.
9. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
10. Do chickens think rubber humans are funny?
11. Due to the credit crunch, the silver lining on each cloud has been replaced with aluminum. Sorry for any inconvenience
12. Earn cash in your spare time. Blackmail friends.
13. Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.
14. Honesty pays. But not enough to suit some people.
15. How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but wearable"
16. How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
17. I am not your type. I am not inflatable.
18. I know why I am single, my parents-in-law were not able to have kids.
19. If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
20. I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.
21. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
22. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
23. Life in a trash can stinks.
24. Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
25. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
26. Money talks...but all mine ever says is good-bye.
27. Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired.
28. People will believe anything if you whisper it.
29. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
30. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
31. There are no winners in life...only survivors.
32. There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
33. This message was sent exclusively for the handsome and the beautiful. We have obviously sent it to the wrong number. We are truly sorry for the inconvenience.
34. Those that do not remember to clear History are doomed to explain it to their wives.
35. Those who say they "sleep like a baby", haven't got one.
36. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
37. Unless it's already been made, a "piece of cake" is actually a fair bit of work.
38. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
39. What are the two reasons why men don't mind their own business? 1. No mind. 2. No business.
40. What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy
41. What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift? Exchange him.
42. What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six-pack of Bud.
43. What is a man's idea of helping with the housework? Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
44. What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.
45. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
46. Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.
47. Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence.
48. Women should not have children after 35. Really...35 children are enough.
49. You're aging like fine milk.
50. You've got sex appeal, you've got style, you've got intelligence, and you've got class. You've got the face and you've got the body but I've got the wrong number…